101 of our favorite Malawian names

On this Father's day, let me take a moment to shout out a word of appreciation to my folks for being excellent parents and for not giving me a name on this list. Caryl with a "y," can be a tough name for both spelling and pronunciation. However, I officially retract any previous complaint about my given name and its spelling. I am very grateful for my name! And, to the fathers that named their kids some of the following, I can only ask, what were you thinking???

We promise that all these names are actually people's legal names.

HOW TO RAISE MALADJUSTED KIDS NAMES:

1. Acid

2. Alias

3. Archangel

4. Bloody

5. Cheapo

6. Danger

7. Exodus

8. Graft

9. Obedience

10. Toxin

11. Trouble

JUST PLAIN WRONG NAMES

12. Africano

13. Boil

14. Labia

15. Negress

16. Orphan

BIG 5 NAMES:

17. Hippo

18. Rhino

KILLING WITH KINDNESS NAMES:

19. Beauty

20. Blessings

21. Bright

22. Darling

23. Comfort

24. Divine

25. Fortune

26. Gift

27. Handsome

28. Happy

29. Marvelous

30. Precious

31. Sugar

32. Wonderful

PERSON PLACE OR THING NAMES:

33. Address

34. Booth

35. Chair

36. Coaster

37. Diamond

38. Fanta

39. Ford

40. Freezer

41. Heritage

42. Hyphen

43. Layout

44. Liver

45. Orchestra

46. Overtone

47. Planet

48. Sausage

49. Sheriff

50. Simcard

51. Soup

52. Watch

NAMES FOR HIGH SELF ESTEEM:

53. Ambassador

54. Caesar

55. Captain

56. Cleopatra

57. Doctor

58. Flare

59. Genius

60. Midas

61. Mighty

62. Love

63. Lucky

64. Prince

65. Prosper

66. Queen

67. Ramses

68. Rejoice

69. Scholastica

70. Star

NAMES FOR LOW SELF ESTEEM:

71. Fat

72. Fatiness

73. Forget

74. Godknows

75. Guest

76. Lemon

77. Lonely

78. Manginess

79. Square

LEGAL NAMES:

80. Evidence

81. Witness

LACK OF CREATIVITY NAMES:

82. Child

83. Friday

84. Obvious

HARD TO CATEGORIZE NAMES

85. Catless

86. Lickness

87. White

88. Promise

89. Remember

90. Welcome

91. Examination

EVERYONE LOVES A SUFFIX NAMES:

92. Dryness

93. Faniless

94. Fatless

95. Fatness

96. Lackness

97. Neatness

98. Loveness

99. Stainless

100. Stainwell

101. Tryness

On looking "smart"...

Looking "smart" here is a good thing, or so I am told. Funny that I am only told that I look this way when I think that I look ridiculous. When I wear my normal clothes -- like nice pants and a blouse -- no one says anything. Now, when I roll into work looking like a 60-year old school teacher with a zest for glittery flannel, then I look "smart." 3 women told me that I looked smart today. And, look at me! I looked like a lazy schlepper (which is just how I felt today). To further decrease my self esteem, I will share my outfit with you all. Jon and Veronica have been laughing about it all day...now, so can you!
Soon, I will tell you about all the days that I arrive at work and people tell me that I got fat - like overnight. Looking "fat" (not phat) is also supposed to be a compliment. Some things about Malawi I will never understand...

Smile!

14 months ago, my Carrboro-based dentist gave me two cartons of airline-approved-size toothpaste to bring to Malawi. He told me to use them if all the available toothpaste brands here were made in, or imported from, suspicious places where key ingredients would be something like sand or poison. Surprisingly, we can get Colgate and AquaFresh here, so what to do with the 100 tubes?

Donate to the local orphanage! Although I am certain they would have preferred meat or toys (or new mattresses or parents), the kids seemed really excited (interested?) about the donation. I don't know if they knew what the cartons actually contained, but they recognized the peanut butter tub that I brought with it.

Unlike what some would imagine, this orphanage was a pretty happy place with smiling kids and clean grounds. I don't think that we will be leaving with a new 8-year-old adopted daughter, but I bet those kids could use a few more people bringing by some food, books, or a soccer ball. Check out those smiles (ok: really more like stares, but I swear many were smiling before I brought out the camera)! Veronica and I were only there for a few minutes, but I think we might be back. If we can foster 3 dogs, we can certainly provide some extra food for 60 kids, right? Dog food for 3 dogs and people food for 60 are about the same price...make of that what you will.

Our first (and possibly last) Malawian wedding!

Last weekend, Jon and I put on our relatively-dapper duds and went to a wedding of two people who met while both working at the clinic. Since neither Jon nor I had been to a wedding in Malawi, and our time is growing shorter, we knew that we could not miss this one.

We had heard a lot about Malawian weddings from our friends and workmates. Usually, there is a church ceremony (frequently attended by close friends and family) and then a separate reception (attended by everyone else – or most people). Weddings are huge and everyone you can think to invite is invited. They are also, in large part, a way for a new couple to get funds for their home as most folks here live with their families until they get married. This is not a cohabitating before marriage kind of culture!

For this wedding, we skipped the ceremony like everyone else and went straight to the afternoon reception. The place was packed with 300-400 people all sitting in neat rows of plastic chairs aimed at the stage. People were dressed in everything from jeans and t-shirts to cut-off jean shorts to your old 1988 strapless, taffeta prom dress. The newlyweds stood in front of the crowd while the bridal party sat behind them dressed in gold and white. The DJ blared music while an MC led the crowd in praising the new couple, individually and together (all in Chichewa, but this is what my friend told me). No food or drink was available (and we came 3 hours after the reception began), but there was a cake on display. I hear they gave out drinks and refreshments at the end (but we, thankfully) did not stay.

As the main purpose of the party is to give the couple money, you can understand why weddings are so large: it is a clear example of what goes around comes around. Pretty nice, really. The fundraising emphasis of the wedding is so engrained in the culture that there is a major wedding role for someone to change your bigger notes (500 Kwatcha = ~$2.75) into smaller bills (20 = ~$0.10). To dance, you pay! So, smaller bills helps everyone participate more actively in the wedding. The DJ calls groups up from the neighborhood or from church or form work or wearing green or whatever. When your group is called, you dance with the couple, showering them with bills (throwing heavy coins is discouraged). At regular intervals, someone sweeps the bills off the floor into a basket and drops them off at the changing money pile. Repeat. Repeat again.

There are also “special dances” where the DJ will call out a number, like 2000 Kwatcha ($11). If you want to give the couple this, you walk up the aisle with everyone staring at you and hand them the cash – hopefully making it look like more money as you give them all small bills. If no one wants to give that much, or if all the givers are finished, the DJ decreases the amount and the process continues….and continues…and continues. We actually gave them 2000, but we put it in an envelope and handed it to them during the “office dance” callout, not following protocol. Of course, we got plenty of attention anyway as the guy with the video was taking only us (affirmed by the Director who noted that he watched us dancing for an hour in the video).

All in all, we had a pretty fun time. We even cashed in some more “big” bills to join in the fun longer and dance with our friends, likely giving the wedding couple a whopping $15 over the course of the hour we spent there. That makes us big spenders! You can bet this will not be our last wedding invitation (but I would not be too sad to decline in the future).