Drowning the horses

You know the expression: You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. For hundreds of years, people have been saying something very similar, so I feel some sense of camaraderie as I live that saying. For 16 months, I’ve been holding the heads of an entire cavalry of horses under water, and still most of my “horses” are parched and thirsty. Some take tiny sips now and then. Some will not open their mouths. Few quenched their thirst. It just makes me want to scream! Do you not recognize this as water? Are you not thirsty? Do you think that water is bad for you? Are you waiting for me to open your mouth, spoon in the water, and help you swallow??? Maybe I need to use feeding tubes?

But, really, this work is frustrating. And, I am running out of ways to maintain my mantra, “I love what I do; I love what I do; I love what I do” without cracking myself up (or just mentally cracking)! It’s not that I actually don’t like what I do, it is that the ratio of work that I am *supposed* to do and *want* to do is decreasing while the work that I am *doing for others* and *outside* of my interest/experience/job description is increasing.

Today, however, I am in a happy place: I am working from home! The protests that served as an excuse to stay home never did materialize, or they have not materialized as of 10am. Here, it is just me and my laptop, and we are working away – getting more done in an hour than I might be able to do in a whole day with the usual distractions that come with working in an office of 6. Clearly, this hour I am taking a break...

As I noted last week, there is something energizing about heading into the home stretch. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, both from a professional and a personal perspective. At work, I’ve started implementing a new type of tough love. In my first 6 months, I learned a lot and did some. In my middle year, I kept learning but I did a lot. Now, in my last 6 months, it is time to pass on the teaching and stop doing. I’m more confident in saying no to new projects; more firm in my insistence that I will help strengthen an existing draft versus write a draft; and, I’ve become better about openly criticizing things that I know do not work while still maintaining, I think, enough diplomacy to be constructive not hurtful.

On the personal side, there is still much to enjoy in Malawi, as I wrote about before. But, let’s be honest: there is much more to enjoy elsewhere. As I tick the days off my calendar, push for completion of my final work projects, and start considering all the choices and possibilities after leaving here, I am finding a new happy place. It’s not just the happiness that comes with leaving here (although that is OVERWHELMING); but it is also the quieter the happiness that comes with appreciation for where you are – the birds, the elephants, the blooming trees, the hands-on work, the remaining shreds of romanticism about ex-pat life.

Oh happy place: how nice to see you! I hope not to lose you again.